eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
