we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
