Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
