Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
