I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
