Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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