I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
