got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
