It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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