Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
