i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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