so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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