last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have aggressive nipples.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
