she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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