I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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