Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
