he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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