my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
