I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
