This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
