its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
