i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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