For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
