I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
