the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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