5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
