hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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