The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found puke in my bra..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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