I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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