The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
