apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
