Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
