Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
