Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
