i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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