her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
