it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
