Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
