so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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