I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
