Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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