my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
