i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
