then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
