I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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