I have demons in me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
