What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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