I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
