Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
