they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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