You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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