Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
