This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
