I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
