I'm eating all of the evidence.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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