Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
