I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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