Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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