I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
